Just need to say that I'm obsessed with Alex Lloyd's song Everybody's Laughing. If you haven't heard it, download it, it's amazing.

-Mary

I have no idea what time it is, but I do know that about a half hour ago I heard a knock on my bedroom door. It was Ted and he was brushing his teeth and while doing so he explained that he was not really drunk, but he just was brushing his teeth and had finally built up enough courage to ask me something that he'd wanted to ask for a long time. Now for those of you who do not know Ted, let me just explain that he is unlike any other individual you will ever run across on this earth. Ted is his own unique person and I love him for it, but when Ted tells me he has a question that he's been longing to ask me for some time I undoubtedly become a bit nervous.

Ted went on to explain to me that he has admired the small of my back for some time now and he was just as to whether or not I would let him rub it a bit. He went on to explain that it would in no way be sexual, he just really liked the small of my back and was finally ready to say something about it. So after offering up his proposition Ted said he would finish up brushing his teeth and return shortly for my answer. Well, never being one to pass up a free massage, and also knowing it would be completely innocent I gladly accepted his proposal.

So, while Ted gave the small of my back a bit of a massage (which by the way was NOT a body part that I thought any guys paid any attention to), we discussed many things. We talked about whether or not there are different levels of romantic love, whether we believe in love at first sight, when we want to get married, his confession to a girl tonight, and my issues resulting from a visit to U of I last weekend. A win-win situation, Ted fulfilled whatever desire he had to touch the small of my back, I got a massage, and we both had a really interesting conversation about our differing perspectives of love and such. Afterwards he hugged me, thanked me and said goodnight, and turned around on his way up the stairs and said, "Maybe again sometime?" And I just laughed as I closed my door saying, "Goodnight Ted." The whole thing makes me laugh now when I think of it.

I heard The Remedy by Jason Mraz for the first time on the radio tonight as we drove to TCBY. I always love that feeling, when I've been listening to an artist for a while before one of their songs finally hits the radio stations. It's just this feeling of familiarity, not even that though. It feels like since I was listening before they made it to the radio I understand and can appreciate what it means for a single of theirs to finally get some air time, more than just an average person hearing the song for the first time. It's probably one of the times when I feel closest to an artist, negating any concert experience of course. Anyway, it's shortlived because then I get pissed off once the group or artist gets overplayed. When everyone knows their name and is singing the lyrics to their song, the closeness that I once felt with them is immediately ripped away and I usually walk away muttering something along the lines of, "Yeah, I liked this song...like six months ago damn it!"

All right, although I had more to add I'll have to end this now. A conversation has grown a bit more intense and deserves absolutely all of my attention so I'm going to have to say goonight.

-Mary

This needed to be added. I was talking to Sean about how I was scared to share too much of myself with everyone out there and I think he gave me some great advice.

Sean said: You could just give an insight into the way you see the world. You don't have to tell them about your obsession with the size of your hips or the way you latch on/ push away people. show them the world through your eyes not your personal habits.

So that is what I am going to try to do. Thanks Sean.

I believe it's close to 4 am, although my clock on my computer which is perpetually wrong tells me it's still early- only 1:09 am. It's one of those nights where I knew around 9 pm that I would not being going to sleep the entire night. It's strange how it happens like that. I can just feel it, around that time, that there's just no way I'll be laying my head down that night. Anyway, no big deal, who needs sleep anyway. Actually most people probably think it's strange just how little I sleep. Ted actually asked me the other day if I sleep on average more than 8-10 hours a week. I laughed and said of course, but then i figured it out, and it's probably within the 20-30 hour range. For as long as I can remember though I've never gotten a lot of sleep.

I love Thursday nights, but not for the same reason most people enjoy them. I love that the Shell is open until one am every thursday night and I love that most people go and hit the bars on this night rather than go and work out. So, when we go around 11 pm it's usually pretty deserted. I like not having a lot of people and distractions when I work out. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for people watching, just not really when I work out. I'd rather just fall into the rhythm of my music and escape for a while. It was a bit of a scary walk home a little past twelve, we have a stalker/mugger roaming the streets. We got back into the apartments and everyone was complaining about the loud noise from the train gates that apparently has been going off since like 9 tonight. I hadn't even noticed, in fact when I strained to hear them it just reminded me of home, I'm close to the tracks for those that don't know. But I think they've finally stopped.

We sat around and argued a bit about Survivor, something we love to do. Here's a gripe I have with the whole male vs. female competition this season: I'm all for a battle of the sexes, but last week just pissed me off. The men get sent to tribal council to vote someone off, they went in with a fucking cocky attitude and they lost big because they can't balance worth shit, but were they talking about strategy or anything like that? Nope. They were talking about which girl on the women's team was the hottest. What the hell is that about? It's like you get a group of men together and suddenly it has to turn into a damn locker room where they all talk about who they'd like to "bang"? I think it sucked.

This weekend I need to catch up on a lot of reading and figure out what the hell I'm going to write about for my comparative politics paper. Sometimes I long for the day when a normal question in every day conversation isn't, "So are you going to drink tonight?" Maybe it's just the Snowball side of me coming out but it's really not a question that I sit pondering about during class all day long. Granted some people may consider some of the questions that do flow through my head completely bizarre, but whatever.

Anyway, rather than go on forever on this thing I think I'll go read a book for a while. Only a few hours till I have to get up and watch the news anyway. Jesus I use the word anyway a lot.

-Mary (The first time I signed this I debated signing Jo. I always wanted it for a nickname so when I came to college I was determined to have people address me as such. I actually told people that my middle name was Josephine but "everyone just calls me Jo". What a fucking weird ass I was. It didn't stick obviously, because after about a day I confessed to most people that I had made it up. But there is this one kid Summit that still uses it with me. I met him at the beginning of my freshmen year, and I actually woke up one time, having passed out with my face on the toilet in the guy's bathroom, to him yelling, "Jo, are you ok?" and helping to pick me up. Ah, memories from freshmen year. Anyway, I reconsidered on signing it Jo, because it never was who I am, nor will it ever be.

On a suggestion from a friend I am starting a journal. I can't make any promises. I'll try and keep it updated and everything. But I am a little wary of sharing my thoughts with whoever has a computer to access them. Anyway, up early again today to watch the news. Little Lizzie dragged her ass out of bed to join Jack and I, what a pleasant surprise. I probably won't make it to Criminal Justice. I have such a hard time getting to that class. Whether it's because the professor makes a sick smacking noise with the saliva in his mouth or because he gives about fifty thousand examples for everything, "Let's say you're holding scissors and have someone sitting in a chair...this would be considered attempt to barber without a license." Well thank you very much professor for enlightening me. Anyway, I also have my women studies today which I wouldn't miss for the world. We're watching a film on female circumcision. On Tuesday this chick in my class passed out at the mere description of the procedure. My professor, who is from Spain, went on to explain how in her experience many people have passed out just at the mention of a vagina. I thought this was pretty funny, my professor pronouces vagina kind of with a b sound, and strange that a little body part could cause people to keel over. Anyway, it sounds pretty graphic and want to see it so I can entertain everyone tonight with a horrible play by play during commercial breaks of Survivor. I forget who my contestant is, but I am cheering for the women's team.

All right, I gotta get back to sleep. In case some of you don't know my schedule it is as follows. I go to sleep around three or four. I wake up at 7:30 and watch the news and eat breakfast with Jack. Then I go back to sleep till like ten or so. It's a strange habit I know, but I really am hooked. It's funny though, Jack and I have the exact same conversation every single morning. Me: Damn it, I'm so tired. Her: What time did you go to sleep last night? Me: I don't know, like three or four...I need to stop talking to people online!

To those of you keeping me up late at night with conversations of masturbation, whiskey, smiley faces and arm wrestling you know who you are and you should be ashamed of yourselves. All right, time to read and then fall asleep for a little bit. This journaling thing actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

-Mary