Wednesday, March 09, 2005


I hope you don't mind me posting this. I'm not asking for fear that you'll say no, and I can't not share's too perfect, it's too you, and it's far too entertaining not to share with the masses.

So here, everyone, is an excerpt of an email I received from Jeffrey John Grand:

"Their set (The Frames) made me think of changing leaves and being young and driving in the central Illinois April showers trying to find a parking spot at a film festival.

I was struck by the idea that I was seeing them live at that moment, and they will travel to meet you in three weeks. Like they remain on the stage and only the people change.

As I was watching them play and strum and pontificate I wondered what you were doing in that place where it was Sunday.

Were you sitting in an innertube smoking a pipe? Had you climbed a tree and taken a nap? Spread bugjuice on your morning toast; taken an early morning walk around the block; punched a hooker in the stomach? Swam in the ocean; petted a shark; dreamt about lightning over the Outback?

Were you reading a book in a river; tearing into a kangaroo steak with relish; burying a sleeping Jeff into the sandy beach and taking a photo of his surprised eye-brow-less face when he finds himself stuck in wet sand; making friends with the elderly and incontinent?

Learning about world financial markets; buying presents of cheap gold for all your beloved; writing in permanent marker around town "this fruit rollup tastes like $hit;" flushing toilets in shower rooms; yelling "fire" at campgrounds; eating cheese with your toes; naming your freckles; collecting ants for your very own Outback antfarm; burying foreign currencies in makeshift timecapsules for future children and/or their pet dingoes to one day find; contemplating sky-diving; tripping a wallaby?

Ate a sucker with your eyes closed? Passed out drunk in your new favorite pub; watched a rugby match; written a manifesto; choked on a wishbone; made homemade stickers; showed the continent the genius of chocolate mixed with peanut butter; taken a bath in vegemite; thought about dying; decided on living; made a point to show Aussies that Americans don't mind a meal of ink when the mood strikes us;

drunk puddle water through a straw; pretended to be homeless; drawn a beard on Mary after you slipped her a sedative and pierced her other nostril by mistake; changed your mind on something important to you; figured out your magic age; slurped soup in a fancy restaurant and then walked out on the bill;

got mistaken for a local criminal and spent the night in jail; crank called strangers; let the air out of the tires of the cars on a random suburban street; kicked a soccer ball with kids playing in the park;

written a song; gotten a tan; talked about me; left your calling card of chewed bubblegum in someone's hair; bought overly large sunglasses waiting in line at the bank; seen a celebrity; stalked a celebrity; educated the obtuse about a good old-fashioned hamburger and slice of apple pie?

You did all these things last weekend, you say? I say do them again, only backwards and incomprehensibly."

Brilliant Dooblicoon.

It makes me happy all over again that one afternoon, in my high school physics class, a boy I had never met rudely handed me a sheet of paper with lyrics to a song I had been singing the day before. "These are the right lyrics" he said to me. Enter Jeff Grand into my life.



Jess, I think my Mom woke the same Asian lady up!!! No wonder she's crabby

And Jay, I wish I could have been there with you two to sing all the songs again. That is insane! I thought we were the only ones subjected to that crazy singing Psalm Book... who knows how many of us are out there! I had a similar experience when I started singing a song that I had learned at Good News (Heather, Tim, Julie and I were regulars) to my friend Nick. I had just started to launch into the I am a C - - I am a C H - - I am a C H R I S T I A N...when out of nowhere Nick joined in! After finishing the song together we had a good laugh and concluded that we had sufficiently freaked Jeff out


At 6:25 AM, Blogger Amy Boyd said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 7:03 AM, Blogger Amy Boyd said...

Jeff Grand... every time I am reminded of the weekend at your parents lake house when we were playing Taboo I think?... and Pat was giving you & your Jeff a hard time about how every answer you two got included "When Jeff Grand... "Jeff Grand went here" It still makes me laugh. I think that was the first time I spent some good quality time with everyone. I realized how funny Pat is, that we must be quiet and turn off the lights because of Bob the neighbor, and you all are very serious about any game you play.


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