JJG

I hope you don't mind me posting this. I'm not asking for fear that you'll say no, and I can't not share it...it's too perfect, it's too you, and it's far too entertaining not to share with the masses.

So here, everyone, is an excerpt of an email I received from Jeffrey John Grand:

"Their set (The Frames) made me think of changing leaves and being young and driving in the central Illinois April showers trying to find a parking spot at a film festival.

I was struck by the idea that I was seeing them live at that moment, and they will travel to meet you in three weeks. Like they remain on the stage and only the people change.

As I was watching them play and strum and pontificate I wondered what you were doing in that place where it was Sunday.

Were you sitting in an innertube smoking a pipe? Had you climbed a tree and taken a nap? Spread bugjuice on your morning toast; taken an early morning walk around the block; punched a hooker in the stomach? Swam in the ocean; petted a shark; dreamt about lightning over the Outback?

Were you reading a book in a river; tearing into a kangaroo steak with relish; burying a sleeping Jeff into the sandy beach and taking a photo of his surprised eye-brow-less face when he finds himself stuck in wet sand; making friends with the elderly and incontinent?

Learning about world financial markets; buying presents of cheap gold for all your beloved; writing in permanent marker around town "this fruit rollup tastes like $hit;" flushing toilets in shower rooms; yelling "fire" at campgrounds; eating cheese with your toes; naming your freckles; collecting ants for your very own Outback antfarm; burying foreign currencies in makeshift timecapsules for future children and/or their pet dingoes to one day find; contemplating sky-diving; tripping a wallaby?

Ate a sucker with your eyes closed? Passed out drunk in your new favorite pub; watched a rugby match; written a manifesto; choked on a wishbone; made homemade stickers; showed the continent the genius of chocolate mixed with peanut butter; taken a bath in vegemite; thought about dying; decided on living; made a point to show Aussies that Americans don't mind a meal of ink when the mood strikes us;

drunk puddle water through a straw; pretended to be homeless; drawn a beard on Mary after you slipped her a sedative and pierced her other nostril by mistake; changed your mind on something important to you; figured out your magic age; slurped soup in a fancy restaurant and then walked out on the bill;

got mistaken for a local criminal and spent the night in jail; crank called strangers; let the air out of the tires of the cars on a random suburban street; kicked a soccer ball with kids playing in the park;

written a song; gotten a tan; talked about me; left your calling card of chewed bubblegum in someone's hair; bought overly large sunglasses waiting in line at the bank; seen a celebrity; stalked a celebrity; educated the obtuse about a good old-fashioned hamburger and slice of apple pie?

You did all these things last weekend, you say? I say do them again, only backwards and incomprehensibly."

Brilliant Dooblicoon.

It makes me happy all over again that one afternoon, in my high school physics class, a boy I had never met rudely handed me a sheet of paper with lyrics to a song I had been singing the day before. "These are the right lyrics" he said to me. Enter Jeff Grand into my life.

-Mary

P.S.

Jess, I think my Mom woke the same Asian lady up!!! No wonder she's crabby

And Jay, I wish I could have been there with you two to sing all the songs again. That is insane! I thought we were the only ones subjected to that crazy singing Psalm Book... who knows how many of us are out there! I had a similar experience when I started singing a song that I had learned at Good News (Heather, Tim, Julie and I were regulars) to my friend Nick. I had just started to launch into the I am a C - - I am a C H - - I am a C H R I S T I A N...when out of nowhere Nick joined in! After finishing the song together we had a good laugh and concluded that we had sufficiently freaked Jeff out