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Lately, when I start crying, I can't stop.

My aunt asked me back at Christmas dinner why I was doing this whole thing if it scared me so badly.

I answered that if I avoided things that terrified me I would have never gone to college among other things.

I said I know myself.
But maybe that's one of the things that scares me the most.
Assuming that I'm scared now, but once immersed in it, I'll float, I'll have to.

Maybe not. Maybe what I assume is there, never was to begin with.
And the strength to handle the time, the trip, the unknown is inconsequential
I'm talking about all the other stuff, the things that have gone unsaid in this blog from the very beginning til now...the in between- that although never directly mentioned, still lurks there.

Is there a day when I'm supposed to wake up and feel it?
What does better forever feel like? Would I even recognize it?
I've been told I'm afraid of being really happy.

The snow has slowed down.

That makes me happy.

Wait, just picked up again.