Saturday, January 22, 2005

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Lately, when I start crying, I can't stop.

My aunt asked me back at Christmas dinner why I was doing this whole thing if it scared me so badly.

I answered that if I avoided things that terrified me I would have never gone to college among other things.

I said I know myself.
But maybe that's one of the things that scares me the most.
Assuming that I'm scared now, but once immersed in it, I'll float, I'll have to.

Maybe not. Maybe what I assume is there, never was to begin with.
And the strength to handle the time, the trip, the unknown is inconsequential
I'm talking about all the other stuff, the things that have gone unsaid in this blog from the very beginning til now...the in between- that although never directly mentioned, still lurks there.

Is there a day when I'm supposed to wake up and feel it?
What does better forever feel like? Would I even recognize it?
I've been told I'm afraid of being really happy.

The snow has slowed down.

That makes me happy.

Wait, just picked up again.

5 Comments:

At 10:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi mary, it's mom.

 
At 10:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

kkkkk

 
At 4:12 PM, Blogger Amy Boyd said...

Test comment... ?

 
At 4:15 PM, Blogger Amy Boyd said...

Testing, testing...

 
At 6:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sunday morn and it is snowing and cold - I bet that gives you confirmation - your in summer and it is Feb - The world is a great place when you can travel and have your seasons flip down under - Went to Drew's # 1 birthday party at Jim and Dede's - great party lots of fun - good to see lots of the family

Good to hear your voice this week - I am sure Jeff knows but Illinois beat Iowa at Iowa yesterday - They are for real - March should be exciting - The march to the final four

I went with weezer to buy some new pots - I could spend much $$$$$$ - I bought the cast iron - enamel yellow colored called "Le Creuset" all the cooking shows use them -

Weezer and Pat are staying over for a few days - Getting house painted and they wanted to keep away from the fumes


Need to start breakfast - Your story about the Sunday was very interesting - The way you set it up I thought you ( Fatty just came in - I think he knows when I am writting to you ) Fluffy is sleeping better - just a little gas problem or maybe that is ?????
- were going to quit with vigor

Lots of love Da-Da

looking out my office window - snow is falling and wind is blowing -

 

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