Wednesday, December 22, 2004


My right eyelid has been twitching pretty consistently now for about 3 days. A long time ago my eye doctor told me it was from stress in my life. This was before him and I got into that fight about putting substances in my eyes without first explaining what they were. Anyway, I need to find some sort of outlet for this stress, and not much else seems to be working so I thought I'd try blogging again.

I can't even begin to catch up on what has happened since my last post, November 6th I believe, so I'm just going to continue on as if I've been faithfully blogging throughout the last year.

We're almost a month away from Australia right now and as I looked over some of the literature sent to me from Bunac, the organization we're going through, I found I was having trouble catching my breath.

The amount of things that I'm worried about are overwhelming and at times paralyzing. I wish I could be like Jeff who never seems to worry, because "what's the point?" if only it were that simple. Anyway, here's a list of the things that I am worrying about at this present time, in no particular order.

1) I won't have enough money to do everything that I want to do in Australia
2) I won't be able to find a job in Australia
3) We won't find a good place to live in Australia
4) I will seriously freak out before getting on the plane and never even make it to Australia
5) Ok, these are all Australia related so I'm going to stop putting it at the end of every sentence
6) I'll get eaten by a shark
7) I'll be bit by some sort of poisonous animal
8) I'll get there and be incredibly homesick, I'll let that feeling overwhelm me and I won't be able to enjoy the experience
9) While we're traveling, there will be a major terrorist attack on Chicago and everyone that I know and love will die (Thank you so much Dad for that lovely scenario)
10) Jeff and I will be in over our heads and will eventually break up, and I'll get off the plane in August to a crowd of people who told me not to travel with my boyfriend holding big "I fucking told you so" signs
11) No one will miss me while I'm gone
12) I'll miss important things that I want to be a part of
13) I find out I don't have the adventurous spirit that I thought I did all along and I'm more content to stay at home watching old episodes of West Wing rather than travel the world and experience some new things

I think I'll stop on my favorite number.

I'm comforted by the fact that I doubt anyone even checks this anymore since it's been so long since I posted anything. I just need somewhere to release a little bit of this. Anything to stop this eyelid from twitching damn it.

My mantra that I've been carrying with me over the past few months:

"I'm moving off. I'm packing up. I'm willing to be wrong."
-The Frames


At 7:49 PM, Blogger Mary said...

The other day, when I posted for the first time in over a year, I got cocky and thought I could edit my template...needless to say I screwed the entire thing up and have been forced to choose a different more colorful rainbow. I like the green and now you can post a comment, so feel free.


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